‘Everyone Needs a Friend.’ This Bellingham Grandma Serves Coffee and Shows Kindness to People in Crisis

Swing next to the free lunch program called the Maple Alley Inn in Bellingham, where a few things stand out: fresh flowers on the tables and hearty meals made from scratch with vegetables from a nearby garden.

Look closely and you’ll notice a group of guests gathered around a casual coffee cart in the corner of the dining room. (The Maple Alley Inn is located in Faith Lutheran Church but is not affiliated with any religion.) The guests who come here are seniors, veterans and families, some of whom struggle with housing issues, addiction and/or mental health issues.

Ursula DeWitt, 85, a longtime volunteer who runs the cafe, is becoming increasingly popular.

DeWitt stands behind a cart that holds a “100 cupper” coffee urn. Nearby are a selection of flavored creamers, sugar packets, various teas and hot cocoa packets. These are small gestures that DeWitt hopes will add a touch of sweetness to guests’ meals, and he buys them with his own money.

Visitors here seek out DeWitt because many of them consider her to be like a favorite relative. She has an easy smile, a quick laugh and a listening ear. She says several people have told her they wish she were their grandmother.

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“My motto is kindness, the word kindness,” DeWitt says. “These people just need a little kindness in their lives. They don’t need anyone making fun of them. Or saying mean things to them on the street.”

When DeWitt started volunteering here more than 30 years ago, she was initially terrified because she had no experience working with vulnerable groups.

“I never had to deal with people who had mental problems or were dragging a wet sleeping bag,” she says. “And then, over the years, I realized that everyone needs a friend. And they were incredibly nice people.”

One of our regular guests, Mike, loves talking with DeWitt and asking her questions about the history of Bellingham.

“She’s amazing, and I swear she has a better memory than I do, and I’m 10 years younger,” he says. “I’ll never get tired of asking her what Bellingham was like when there was no freeway, when there was no Costco, when there was no mall. Right?! There were just these little stores and little grocery stores.”

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Mike spent decades on the streets and in his van, though he now lives in a hotel. He says talking to DeWitt helped him feel less isolated — something he constantly struggled with on the streets. Mike also credits his stabilizing relationship with DeWitt for helping him get sober more than a decade ago.

Small acts of kindness can have a big impact on people who are struggling, says April Ballard, a professor of environmental health at Georgia State University.

“Living outside, not being able to eat, not being able to drink water — all of those things are going to negatively impact your physical health,” she says. “But also, if you’re not treated like a person, if people aren’t looking you in the eye, not asking your name, kind of ignoring you — that can really make everything you’re already going through worse.”

Ballard says a simple way to show someone respect is to respond when they ask you a question. For example, she says, imagine you’re walking out of the grocery store and someone asks you for money. “I just look at them and say, ‘Hey, I can’t right now,’ or ‘Hey, I don’t have any cash right now.’ And I think that’s fine. But just respond to the person the way you would at your job when someone comes up to you and asks a question.”

Back at the Bellingham coffee cart, DeWitt hands out cups of coffee. Like any good barista, he knows what people prefer and how much sugar they’re consuming.

DeWitt recently celebrated her birthday on the day she was supposed to volunteer. She says everyone asked her if she was planning to quit volunteering.

“Why would I do that?! They’re my friends and I want to be with them.”